


Lick your eye and seal the deal

by Lokuro



Series: Curse of Strahd Verse [8]
Category: Curse of Strahd - Fandom, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Always, Barovian humor, Gen, always be polite to creepy grandmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokuro/pseuds/Lokuro
Summary: A short series of drabbles for our most amazing DM <3 covering some creepy, hilarious and frankly terrifying aspects of Barovian life.On some aspects of Barovian economy: Case 2 "Non-licensed and non-taxed production and illegal distribution of flawed goods"
Relationships: Jenny/silly adventurers
Series: Curse of Strahd Verse [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802551
Kudos: 3





	Lick your eye and seal the deal

"Don't want you here, go away. GO AWAY, I SAID. What... where are you going, are you some kind of cowards? Afraid of an old lady? Well, you should be as I could eat you for breakfast and pick my teeth with your bones. See?... Green is a perfectly respectable colour for teeth, you ignorant glob. What's a glob? You are a glob. Why are you wasting my time anyway, do you have anything Jenny might like? By the way, want a candy? Good for your teeth and soul. The best Jenny would be very disappointed if you didn't get a present for her or maybe an underestimated trinket from your possession for an exchange. I offer the most reasonable rates at this side of the Old Svalic Road. What's on the other side of the Road? Na, the old bitches-witches are there, crawling in their stupid swamps and thinking they are so independent and modern. And you don't want to make deals with them, trust me, and may they rot in their stupid moors forever until they are but farts in the wind. What, you came here to talk about nutty witches and make me sore, or you came here to buy something to make you less stupid? I have here this perfect little headband, might seem a bit stale, but it's mostly supposed to look like that, and, yes, of course the stones are real! What, you think I would fake stones, and these are in fact salamander eggs? Look here, knight or warrior or whatever sword-wielding moron you are, your sad little bunch couldn't afford salamander eggs if you sold me all of your body parts and sweetened the deal with your first true tears. By the way, darling girl, yes, you with the fiddle, are you interested in selling these eyes? You see, I have this necklace, and two of them fastenings are still empty, and your eyes would go so lovely with them, such a pretty green. Let me take a closer look, just one lick, and I promise to put them back after. Why are you angry, I said I'll put them back! Don't you trust a hag? My oh my, you should have taken the headband of intelligence after all, it would have told you that it was a bad, bad idea to draw a sword on an innocent Barovian grandma... Oh, never mind, I surrender! Please, please follow me into the garden, mighty heroes. There, in the wet soil, all well preserved and well hidden, are my most sacred treasures, which are now by rights yours as you deserve them. Come with me into the gardens, as — such a coincidence — my itsy-bitsy flowers were not fed since the last group of impolite travelers came by..."


End file.
